For dirtier or cheaper

So...

The joys of the over-worked and underpaid have returned. My car has taken a poop again, the alternator pushing too much juice and overcharging the battery. New alternator, new volt regulator, and new fluids. Car, what is wrong with you?

I wanted to sell it, but such a classic that is easy to work on should not be traded in for a newer better gas mileage car that will cost me out the butt in repairs through mechanics. So, I kind of want to get a motorcycle instead. I've started reading the manual and I already picked out the helmet I want and the jacket I'd need, but I have yet to fall in love with a particular bike. I think I'm holding off on that love cause I would like to afford my insurance and me starting school in a few months and loosing most of my hours at work will REALLY kill my income.

So... I'm preparing to be poorer than rich soil- not quite as bad as dirt.

Day of Lasts

So, I got up today, full knowing, I didn't have to go into work if I didn't want to. I know that that offer will be the last of its kind for at least a year. So, I suppose that started it all.

My day was pretty average, minus the fact that we went to the dump for the first time ever... possibly the last, but I'm not quite sure if I should hold my breath on that one... but if we move, it will be the last time in the Butte dump for sure. Dad then took Sami and I for food, which will not be a last, but the last time I had Carl's Jr. I threw it up... I have yet to eat the burger I ordered... don't know if I will even attempt it.

We came home and I made arrangements to see Mirrors with Logan and hopefully Brian since today is Brian's last day in Chico before moving to Tampa, FL. for wrestling. That guy sure got his big break and will hopefully be the next Cena or Mysterio. I called Logan and, apparently we both had similar brain waves over the past few days or possibly longer, Logan decided to end our 'romantic' relationship. He says he isn't ready for a serious relationship, which I don't blame him... look at my last one, but I feel it's more that he needs to branch out and experience life. I've already gone through that phase for the most part so I understand he needs it and I'm pretty much done with it. We will hopefully still be good friends... he's still planning on going to the movie with Sami and I, but Brian cannot go... he leaves at 4:30.

Jada also lost the last of her baby teeth, I believe. I salvaged two of them before she happened to swallow them or lose them. They're not the ones I was hoping for, but I found two which makes me happy.

I believe I shall take my leave of the computer and blogging for now... I need to try and get to Brian's to say goodbye before the movie and then I need to go register for the Butte Beauty College.

Today is the last day of the rest of my life... in a sense.

Childhood Dreams turned Non-Fiction

So, my mother sat my sister and I down the other day and told me something that has left me quite introverted since. I haven't been as social as usual and have been feeling quite distant from everyone, including myself. What, do you ask, did she say that inspired my odd persona to take form? She said...

"Don't think about moving out for at least a semester... your father and I are thinking about moving back down to L.A. and you might want to come with us."

Move back to L.A.? It's what I've wanted to do since the first day I moved to Chico back in April of my tenth year of existence. That dream to move back to familiarity and family. Back to the land of Disneyland, Six Flags and Knott's. Back to the city life and the highways and freeways and Del Taco.

But... is that what I really want now? I just got used to Chico and it is not familiar and L.A. not so familiar. Work here is a dead end, but could it prosper in Los Angeles? Land of Hollywood dreams? What to do?

Confessions of an Over-Worked Under-Paid Gentile

Oh, the woes of the employed. I find it amusing, in a non-thrilling sense, that the employed are happy with their jobs as long as things go their way. I mean, I understand that's how anyone works, but enticingly so with work. When things go wrong, much like they have recently, I get the desire to just call it quits but rarely do so. I decided to look for a second job, finding several I'm interested in, but only to put myself into another predicament. If I get a second job, should I keep it with school coming up? Would it be worth quitting GameStop to get better hours and pray I get better pay as well? Would I have time to move my schedule around so that I'm not neglecting my Jada or myself; or anyone else for that matter.

I intend on moving out as soon as possible. After living on my own(ish) I have realized I like having my own kitchen, my own living room, my own bedroom (who doesn't) and hell, even my own hallway. I want a house to decorate and show off my accomplishments. A house to hold the things I deem dear and to throw get-togethers in. I want to be able to support myself. I wish to not need any help from my parents though I appreciate it dearly.

I need a better job, but one is technically around the corner after I graduate the lovely feminine-sounding 'Beauty Academy' after 9 months of perms and cuts to do it as a major living. I've looked into Resident Managers, which would get me a free place to live, but a small salary. I intend to live in a house with a yard for my pup, even if the yard is the size of a walkway or the back room at GameStop. I just want something to call my own with the knowledge that I worked for it and achieved it.

We'll see the career path of LinZ in the future. Whichever loop, twist or fork it takes, writing will be a part of it.

Delving into a Vacationed Mind

Well, I am on vacation... in LA. My cousin Ryan is getting married tomorrow and I think I would have been jealous if I hadn't realized that marriage is nowhere near my near future. Just a few months ago it was and it's kind of hard reflecting on that. Just two months ago I was engaged and four months before that had a date that was previously set delayed. The more I think about it now, I think a wedding is really just a big expensive party to show yourself off as the new person a marriage creates.

I'm not condemning marriage as an idea or as a prospect, but I am condemning it to a later part of my life. I never thought myself to be a selfish person, but after my reigns were freed, I've realized I don't want to be tied down to a man.. or woman, ha ha. I want to be free to be me. The idea of marriage to me is simply this:
A man and woman love each other so much they don't want the other to be lost to them so they make things serious. They share everything; feelings, chores, ideas, dreams, goals and the like. They appreciate each other for who they are and don't pray they'll change. They accept the bad with the good and try not to only dwell on the bad. Once the bad is over, they erase it. Then, they realize they really do love each other so much their IN love with each other and decide that, for sake of sharing everything, they should get married. Throw a big party for friends and family who encourage this behavior and tie themselves to each other not only in word but on legal documents.

My Ex and I shared some of that, but definitely not all. From Jan. on... I only ever felt like a disappointment; a burden. I felt as if I had restrictions to who I was. I understand that I had doted completely on him the first several months and that was who he fell in love with, not the real me but rather the idea of me. He loved the Lindsey that was always there, waiting to make him happy and having no other goal. The Lindsey who played video games and worked on cars so he could brag to his buddies about his cute little tomboy cook who only had eyes for him.
In some ways, that was true. I did like making him happy... but soon it seemed to get harder and harder to do. I have always been somewhat a slacker when it comes to chores, but it's hard to please a 'neat-freak' when you were an 'organized chaos' kind of person. I liked cooing and baking for him, but he had a strict diet I did NOT want to follow, so I cooked less and less. We watched a lot of the same TV shows (that is I watched his shows) and movies to 'bond' but that was about it. I played less and less video games cause I worked a lot and tried to always sit next to him at everything instead of do my own thing to make him happy, but it wasn't enough.

He, on the other had, saw it that I didn't want to do anything for him or with him besides TV anymore. I was having stomach problems, therefore not feeling too intimate, and he seemed to think less of me for it. If I thought about him or his son before anyone else, he was proud. If I thought about my family or friends... it was a different story. I still don't have his full side of the story for he only wrote rebuttals, never an actual debate/speech.

He says he lost a lot through our break up, but I did too. I lost some of my hopes and dreams, but I did gain a new understanding to who I plan to be and who I really am. I am me, first off and hands down. Then I am Lindsey, the oldest daughter of 5 children. Then I am Lindsey, the friend who makes mistakes but retains her better friends. Lastly I am Lindsey, the girl who used to be used and abused.

Never again.

Curious and Curiouser

Ah, the lovely joys of internet blogging. The sad thing is, I'm more apt to blog than log in a diary or journal. What can I say? My fingers fluttering noisily across the keys of the computer are a comfort and help siphon the thoughts I have into writing that can inspire further publications. I currently have a full stomach, a puppy strapped to my ankle and I'm sitting here in my boxers and a tank top. Talk about the book jacket picture of the year.

I'm sure I'll find more inspiration at a later date, but as of this very moment and second, my younger brother wishes to take the computer under his own fingers and, most likely, bulletin 'chat' via myspace like the teeny-bopper he says he isn't.


So, as I earlier stated, I shall spill words of infinite wisdom at a later time, for I'm currently short on what many people desire more of; time.